Christians are straight up FREAKS
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
