I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
