First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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