Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
