just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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