Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
