The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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