I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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