fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
