Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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