Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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