i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
