just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
