Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
