If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
