I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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