This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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