you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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