FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
