I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
