Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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