see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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