I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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