it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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