I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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