the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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