Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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