something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
