Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
