I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
