I will die if light touches me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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