I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
