ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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