Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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