Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
