Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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