all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
