maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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