Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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