dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's no shave November. This is our time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love you. Go after that dick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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