he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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