So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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