i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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