Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize