Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
