i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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