Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
