note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
