Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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