I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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