I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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