he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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