You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
