I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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