he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
