Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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