WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
