so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize