My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
