I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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