and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
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it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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