Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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