I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
