Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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